By my Side Read online

  She uncovers her eyes and reveals a now angry face. She grabs his collar and punches him in the face.

  He growls in pain and covers his eye. Andrea’s expression softens and she tries to move his hand away from his eye. “Oh my god—I’m so sorry. I really didn’t mean it. Don’t be angry…”

  “Why do you hate me so much?” Dakota complains miserably.

  Andrea looks to the side. “I don’t hate you… Come on, I’ll get you an ice pack… I’ll use my icy-ness as a force for good…”

  Dakota laughs a little. “Okay…”

  “Lie down on the couch,” Andrea orders. Dakota obeys and she grabs an ice pack from the freezer and places it on his eye.

  “Sit up a little. I’ll get you your soup…” She turns toward the table, but he grabs her hips and pulls her down on top of him.

  She’s blushing. She looks him right in the eyes for the first time in a long time.

  He moves his hands up along her thighs--under her dress--and for a second she smiles and lowers her head onto his chest lovingly, closing her eyes.

  Dakota says to her, “remember when we first made potato soup and you told me that you designed a stupid pet robot to specifically pick up the bras you left lying around your house? That’s when I--”

  Before he can take things too far, she rolls off of him and falls on the floor.

  Dakota sighs and rolls his eyes, crossing his arms grumpily. He takes off the religious cross he has around his neck and puts it on the table by the couch. “Fine. Get me the booze. It’s the only way we’re going to get through the night alive.”

  Andrea giggles a little, but then she frowns—realizing how depressing it is that they can’t stand to sleep with each other sober any longer.

  The night miraculously ends civilly, albeit in a drunk stupor like it usually does. It’s the best night they’ve had together in a long time.

   In the morning, as Dakota heads out the door, he turns to Gert with thanks in his eyes. “Great dinner last night, robot. Keep your hands off my girl.”

  Gert watches him go—thinking it was a job well done. Andrea, however, is grumpily eating her eggs and bacon with tears in her eyes when Dakota leaves.

  Gert frowns. Maybe it wasn’t a job well done. “What’s wrong, Andrea?”

  Andrea puts her fork down and buries her head in her hands. “We almost had fun last night…”

  Gert scratches his chin, wondering what was wrong with that.

  Andrea glares at him angrily. “It’s all your fault. You and your damned, magnificent, potato soup!”

  Well, it didn’t exactly work, but it got them talking and almost having fun again.

   Gert must redouble his efforts. Andrea always requires that he buy her beer (or else he’s fired)—but beer seems to be the source of their issues. Their way of avoiding talking about whatever seems to be alienating them from each other.

  He decides that the next time Dakota comes around, that there must be a magnificent meal and no beer in the house.

  The next time Dakota does come around, he tosses his suitcase to the side and wraps Andrea in his arms, kissing her. Andrea won’t look him in the eyes still, and she is clearly uncomfortable. Dakota releases her reluctantly with an immeasurably sad frown.

  One of Andrea's robots skitters out of nowhere and unties Dakota's shoes. Dakota jumps in surprise and makes the sign of the cross on his chest. Dakota steps out of his shoes and the robot takes them away.

  Andrea grins a little. Most people are atheists these days, but Dakota was thoroughly attached to his religious roots and loved religious culture.

  Andrea clears her throat. “Gert made dinner again…”

  “Oh boy!” He says cheerily. “You know, I have to say, I didn’t like him very much at first, but I think your hiring him was a brilliant decision.” He tells her enthusiastically.

  Andrea looks at his black eye. “I really am sorry about that. There was no excuse for that.”

  “Don’t apologize... What I said was pretty unforgivable.” Dakota replies sincerely.

  Andrea smiles a little. “It was kind of funny, looking back on it..."

  Gert has the table set for them again, and he seats them before powering down in the guest room.

  The pair are quiet again as they eat. Tonight, Gert made them an amazing potato bake. They’re smiling, but they don’t know what to say to one another. After a long silence, Dakota gets up the guts to ask, “Andrea...why won’t you let me kiss you?”

  Andrea leans her cheek on her hand and twirls her fork in her hand with a frown on her face. “it doesn’t feel right…”

  Dakota knits his brows in frustration. “Whose fault is that?”

  Andrea meets his gaze with a low, angry expression. “It’s all my fault, right? All my fault because I can’t conceive?”

  “It’s all your fault because… Because you just…” Dakota can’t even say it. He changes the subject. “Please Andrea. I’m so tired of arguing with you. I miss laughing with you and making love to you.”

  “We make love nearly everytime you come—what are you talking about?” She asks, picking at her food bitterly.

  “That’s not making love. That’s just sex. It feels empty and dirty. Why don't you like me to touch you when you're sober?” He asks.

  Andrea shifts uncomfortably in her seat. Her eyes are teary and she just wants to leave the room. “Who knows what you do when you’re away from me… You’re probably making love to other women. Prettier, who can give you children.”

  She’s pushing his buttons again. “I don’t want any other woman—I want you! Dammit Andrea—why do you keep pushing my away? If you don’t conceive we’ll never see each other again--!”

  Andrea weeps bitter tears. “You don’t want to see me ever again anyway! The more women you get to be with the better, right?”

  Andrea stands up and heads for the door—wanting to drive off elsewhere. Dakota stalks after her and grabs her arm. He turns her around so she’s facing him. “Do you really never want to see me again? I'll be reassigned to a different wife, Andrea! Stop being so childish!”

  "Stop blaming me and pressuring me for not conceiving!" Andrea cries.

  "I wouldn't feel the need to pressure you if it seemed like you actually cared about losing me!"

  Andrea looks at him silently--tears in her eyes. Dakota reaches his arms out to her, but she backs away.

  Dakota is looking past her with dead eyes. “You really don’t love me anymore, do you?”

  Andrea can’t speak. Her throat is dry with sadness. She strolls past him, back to the dinner table, and sits down. Dakota sighs and checks her fridge, taking off the cross around his neck again. “My god. Where’s your booze?”

  Andrea stands up. “What?”

  They both scour the fridge, moving the items inside around, looking for beer. “There’s no beer…”

  Andrea groans. “Stupid android didn’t get my booze! He must have forgotten! Now what do we do?”

  “Guess we can go out and get some…” Dakota suggests.

  “No, I don’t feel like it… Guess we’re not sleeping together tonight.” Andrea scratches her head in anger.

  Dakota looks at her, crossing his arms. He is incredibly frustrated. “You did this on purpose, didn’t you? If you didn’t want to sleep with me, why didn’t you just tell me?”

  “What? No, he really forgot. Come on, don’t be angry. It’s really just an accident…” Andrea tells him, trying to soothe.

  He doesn’t believe her. He turns away, biting back tears. “That’s it. I’m leaving. I’m taking the robot.”

  “Hey, why do you get the android?” Andrea asks.

  “Marriage is fifty-fifty. I get fifty percent of the robot. Including his delicious meals” Dakota tells her.

  Andrea plants her hands on her hips “Come on—can’t you at least try to treat him like a human? He deserves the same rights.”

>   Dakota ignores her and powers up Gert. Gert’s eyes focus on him and he asks, “what happened? Is your relationship fixed yet?"

  Dakota rolls his eyes. “You’re coming home with me. Come on!”

  Gert follows Dakota—blinking confusedly. He glances at Andrea on his way out and shrugs.

  ***

  On the drive home, Dakota is gripping the wheel with white knuckles in complete silence.

  Gert looks down at his hands awkwardly. He clears his throat. “How was your night?”

  Gert makes a face. “How do you think? She didn’t get booze just so she wouldn’t have to sleep with me! It would have been okay if she just told me she didn’t want to…”

  Gert shifts his eyes back and forth—feeling guilty. “Actually, I purposely didn’t get the booze…”

  Dakota glances at him as he stops at a red light. “What?”

  “I wanted you guys to talk about your issues. I guess I made things worse…” Gert says guiltily. “Am I fired?”

  Dakota frowns with a tense face, but no longer looks angry. “Did you really not sleep with her?"

  Gert shakes his head. “Of course not. I don’t have any feelings for her. And I can tell she really loves you. She wouldn’t do that to you.”

  Dakota looks miserable. “I love that girl… But I know she can do some awful, awful things when she puts her mind to it.”

  Gert glances at Dakota and twiddles his thumbs when he sees Dakota's white knuckles and tense face. “Like what?”

  Dakota fumbles over his words. “When we found out she was infertile… A week later, we tried to sleep together, but she was crying and uncomfortable. I wanted to stop, and I did—even though she said she was fine. But she grabbed me and told me she would never sleep with me again and she would divorce me if I didn’t have sex with her. After that, I—we just couldn’t…” He shakes his head, unable to keep tears back. “Why would she make me hurt her like that? It felt like I defiled something sacred. I should have left, but I was selfish. I didn’t want her to divorce me—and I knew that that was not an idle threat from her. I know when Andrea is being dead serious..."

  Gert becomes thoughtful. He must concede that this is a big issue in their relationship. Maybe irreparable. Something that at the very least needed to be addressed briefly, but he had a feeling it had not been at all. “Have you talked to her about this?”

  “How could I even begin to? I feel like a monster just thinking about it. After that, I started nagging her about giving conceiving. I pressured her like crazy--and then started insulting her for not being able to... I'm awful. She deserves a better man." He tells Gert bitterly.

  Gert is intrigued. Dakota loves Andrea from the bottom of his heart. But, did Andrea feel the same way? And, could the relationship be salvaged? Although Dakota was causing many of the problems in the relationship, Andrea seemed to be the one who was purposely punishing herself, and Dakota by extension.

  ***

  Dakota’s apartment, contrasting Andrea’s, is spotless. However, he has no food in the fridge and shockingly has no beer in it either.

  “Where’s the beer?” Gert asks in the morning while Dakota wolfs down his breakfast. Gert asked for his credit card so he could go shopping for breakfast in the night while Dakota slept. Dakota asked for cereal.

  Dakota laughs. “I’m not a drunk. I told you, Andrea is the one who…”

  An idea strikes Gert. “What was it like when you first slept together?”

  Dakota thinks about it, tilting his spoon up thoughtfully. He shakes his head with a smile. “It was so fun… I never expected to love her so much. I mean, we both wanted kids, that was the main reason we signed up for marriage, of course. She told me about her love of robots and how she was a high school drop out—I showed her some of my art and told her about my terrible receptionist job. When one of her bras wrapped around my shoe, she told me about her stupid robot design to pick them all up--I laughed for a whole minute.

  "I thought our first time would be awkward—I wondered if it was even okay with her if I touched her. She was fine with it, though. She was wearing this goofy rainbow dress that unzipped from the back… She had to reach behind her and put my hand on the zipper for me to get that she wanted me to unzip it.. She was really open and feisty back then. She’s become so shy lately. Still feisty, but shy… I think I scare her.”

  Dakota laughs a little. “I swear she cries when she hears me opening her door…”

  Gert has struck upon something. “Tell her about that. Replace the bad memory with this good one. You have to get her talking about the bad one too, though.”

  Dakota raises an eyebrow and makes a face. “How do you suppose I do that…?”

  “Be brave. No beer, no beating around the bush—just tell her you have to talk about it." Gert suggests. After a moment, lighting strikes again. “Ask her about her rainbow dress.”

  Dakota looks at Gert like he's the most brilliant person in the world. "My god. For an abomination, you're brilliant!"

   It really isn't that brilliant, but Gert is glad to help.

  ***

  Dakota leaves Jun at his own apartment. He must be brave, although he would have liked the android there for moral support. He is an hour later than he usually is due to traffic.

  There are tissues overflowing in her trashcan by her couch. He sees her sleeping on her couch. He sits next to her for a moment and hears her groan in her sleep, “Dakota…”

  He smiles and shakes her gently. Andrea opens her red, sleepless eyes. She sits up and her arms tense. He can tell she wants to throw them around him, but she won’t. Her eyes are wet with tears. “I thought you wouldn’t come back…"

  “Traffic was really terrible. I’m just late. Gert told me he was the one who purposely didn’t buy the beer. We have bigger issues though.” Dakota tells her gently.

  Andrea sits up all the way and pulls her dress down. “I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to argue with you and pretend that I hate you.”

  Dakota has no laughter left for comments like those. “Andrea, please. We have to talk about why you seem so intent on getting rid of me—why you did what you did that night…"

  Andrea crosses her arms defensively and stands up. She walks past him with her back facing him. “I don’t know why you’ve stuck around this long. You should just go. It’s going to be over in a year anyway…”

  Dakota has white knuckles as he clutches the seat of the couch. He turns her around angrily. “I know you don’t want me gone. Stop saying that. You wanted me here so badly that there’s a mountain of tissues in your trashcan!”

  She bites back tears and pushes him back. “You just can’t wait to get away from me anyway! You can’t wait to marry someone else! Multiple marriages for you, one for me! Dozens of children for you, none for me!”

  “You think I only wanted you as a baby-making factory?” Dakota looks like he is about to explode with anger.

  She pushes his buttons again, “of course I do! That’s all any man ever wanted from any woman!"

  "God put us on this earth to overcome such base instincts, Andrea!"

  They’re both crying with rage, and Andrea thinks he’s going to hit her when he reaches his arms out toward her. Instead, he grabs her and pulls her close. “I love you. I don’t care about having a baby. I just wanted to stay married to you…”

  Andrea sobs and leans her head into his chest, arms lank. “I thought you didn’t love me anymore the way your face fell after I gave you the news that I there was such a low chance of having a baby. But you proved me wrong. You were so sweet and gentle about it at first. I wanted to get rid of you so it wouldn’t hurt so much when you got reassigned to a different wife and I wouldn’t have to think of the two of you together and cry my eyes out. When I forced you to do what you did that night—I wanted some perverse leverage over you. But I also wanted to make you feel guilty to keep you around. I felt sick to my stomach about it.
Please don’t blame yourself for it. It was all my fault…”

  He just holds her for a second—reveling in the touch she has withheld from him for so long. And then he asks, “remember your rainbow dress? You dress a lot more seriously these days. Do you still have it?”

  She puts her hands on his back and remembers the first time she put her hands on his bare skin. She remembers how it was the best night of her life, and how she had wanted so badly for so long to have a night like that again.

  But she realizes she can. He is right there like he always has been. There for her and loving her like he always has. They have been cruel to each other—but especially, she has been cruel to him. “I can change into that dress if you want…”

  She runs her hands up his back, under his shirt.

 

  Things are far better between them after that. Andrea knows it will hurt when Dakota gets reassigned, but she has come to accept that. Gert acts as their cook, their friend, their housekeeper, and their therapist. They can’t thank him enough.

  She and Dakota almost never argue anymore. It is more important, they decide, to be kind to one another.

  Andrea still blames herself for not being able to conceive, and she still cries about it a lot.

  “You were right… My womb is way too cold to conceive a child…” Andrea sobs to Dakota.

  He shakes his head and places his hands on her cheeks. “Don’t talk about yourself like that—even if you’re joking. I should never have said that to you…”

  She can’t seem to stop crying. “This is all my fault… Dakota, when you get reassigned…”

  Dakota holds her close. “I won’t sleep with her. I don’t want children with anyone else. It’s not your fault, stop blaming yourself.”

  Andrea loves the sentiment, but she knows he will forget about her and move on with this new woman. At least he will be happy. If it were possible for him to leave the system, he probably would, but once you sign up, you can't get out. “It’s okay… I want you to have children. You don’t have to worry about me…”

  “How can you say that? You’re my wife and I love you! You’re supposed to want to keep me here…”

  “I do want to keep you here—more than anything! I just want you to be happy though...”

  “You know I won’t be happy without you.”

  ***

  The night before he gets reassigned, Dakota comes to her apartment one more time. They have a quiet, but meaningful night together. Andrea’s eyes are red and she doesn’t feel like dressing up. She's wearing an oversized shirt--what she calls her 'fat shirt'--and sweat pants. Dakota is blinded by his love for her and tells her, however, “you look terrific...”